No, not me, you!
I’m not here to judge at all. Honestly…
Almost every relationship I can think of has started out with good natured intentions. However, as things progress, we eventually realize the difficulties that come with their chosen partners. One of these difficulties, is raising someone else’s kids. Side note here, I was raised by a stepfather and my own personal experience’s have definitely shaped my opinion.
I would like to start off by saying that, you’re not alone. And, this being so, marriages that have preexisting kids have divorce rates that range from 67-73% depending on whether it is a second or third marriage. An article called “The Smart Blended Marriage” First brought this to my attention on the site Focusonthefamily.com.
Curious if there were more soon-to-be step-parents who were regretting their future partners kid, or were aprehensive about starting the relationship because of them, i began my search online. It didn’t take me long till i found an article on the website ‘Gardenweb.com‘ that went over someone’s personal situation.
The woman in question was in a relationship with a man who currently lived with his Ex for the sole sake of their son. However, the Ex-wife is emotionally manipulative to the father of the child as well as the child himself. the woman, who remains unnamed, brings up in the story that she currently lives in another country then her perspective future partner, she has only seen the child no more than a couple times and speaks to him occasionally.
Now…
Personally this is all a Huge Red Flag.
The Truth is… You’re Never The First Priority
When a man goes into a relationship and already has a kid, that kid(s) will always be the priority. This can happen for a variety of reasons but the fact of the matter is, those are his children, his blood, and that comes first. Barring the very bizarre case of a few men out there that simply have no love for their children, the mans kids will always be his number one priority. This is mentioned first-hand in this CNN article by the author herself.
Now, this a major challenge for a woman who either has no kids, or a child of her own from a previous relationship. A woman wants to feel that sense of being wanted, the feeling of being in a secure relationship with their chosen partner. A problem that oftentimes arises is when girls try and push themselves above a man’s kids in terms of wanting endearment or attention. This can come off as being insensitive to the guy. He sees it as someone who is putting his own kid to the wayside.
Even though you may have not been intending to cause this kind of reaction, that’s the way it may be perceived by him. Of course, this isn’t to say you aren’t wrong for wanting to feel secure and wanted in a meaningful way. This is a HUGE problem when getting into any relationship with a person who has a child from a previous relationship. Your partner’s time, attention, and devotion will always be split.
Your Lifestyle Will Change
You know the freedom you so enjoy…
That feeling of holding your own time and deciding exactly what you want to do with it? Yeah, Thats going to quickly fade into oblivion.
Your life is going to be subjected to new forces that you have never encountered before. Dating a man is most likely something you have done before. The difference though, is when you factor in your partners children into the equation. Children take up a huge chunk of someone’s time and energy. The only way to get around that is if, maybe, you begin to hire people to take care of your children. Something like Nannies and private teachers are what I’m talking about.
Most of us though, can’t afford to start hiring staff to take care of our children so we can run off and have romantic escapade. That being said, you are more than likely going to have to handle the co-parenting position, and help him raise his child. All of this is going to have to happen while you somehow manage to have a meaningful relationship.
There is no simple answer, your lifestyle will most likely have to change slightly. There are no two ways around it.
